song pair: Against the Wind by Bob Seger
this morning i went on a long run. on my 7 mile route there is a very steep hill, the type of hill that slows a runner way down. you must pick up your feet and raise your knees, sometimes gasping for air. i was against the wind and the gusts were strong. during my long strides and perseverance, i realized this physical feeling of pushing hard while the wind was against me...is a reflection of how my infertility has felt through the years. the sun was shining. it was a clear day. the birds were chirping. cars were buzzing by. everything around me was functioning at a normal level, but i was struggling. i was fighting a battle. i knew if i continued to feel and acknowledge the pain, there would come a moment of accomplishment and relief. when i reached the top of that hill today, i felt good. i smiled. i felt stronger. i am stronger.
i do the very best i can with this trial in my life. i am thankful my partner is my closest confidant. this adversity has made our marriage rock solid.
this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. i am at a place where i can say i am grateful infertility has touched my life. it has been hard as hell. i have been able to embrace weakness and exercise strength because of it. i work daily to handle it with grace.